Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

What are some great short jokes?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

What are some photos of masturbation?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Why are black people harassed more by police officers?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Deion Sanders: Pre-draft attacks on Shedeur and Shilo "hurt" - NBC Sports

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Knicks' Decision to Fire Tom Thibodeau Was Brewing For 'Months' - Sports Illustrated

I can read

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Are British people in awe when someone from the United States visits their country?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I actually pay taxes

Childhood leukemia: how a deadly cancer became treatable - Our World in Data

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Ducks GM Pat Verbeek Discusses the Trade and What's Ahead for Anaheim - NHL.com

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t buy bullshit

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Measles in Alabama? Officials investigating possible case that would be state’s first in years - AL.com

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

How does mouth taping affect dreams?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

Mets’ need their all-time lost opportunity to be a Dodgers aberration - New York Post

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

How to watch the 2025 Tony Awards - CNN

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Is Beauty of Joseon Sunscreen good for oily skin?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

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I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I see through liars

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I can count

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight